I know, this is a subject that will probably divide readers. But hear me out. I`m talking from experience…and I also saw many other women around me who went through exactly the same. We might think that our case is unique, but…there is a pattern to it and I want to share it with you.

Many, many years ago, I went through a painful break up and my first big crisis. It was a long-term relationship from early adulthood that lasted about 6 years. I didn`t understand why it happened, what caused us to break up, all I knew was that the pain was terrible.

Now, I didn`t know much about the different life stages back then, so I had no idea that with this break up and crisis, I entered a different life stage, the so called “strong, independent” women stage. Let me just explain quickly…

You see we humans, we go through different developmental stages…and after the initial early adulthood stage (which can take 20, 30 40 years…and for previous generations even 50-60 years or a whole lifetime ), we enter into our next stage where we shift our focus on entirely different things, we change our beliefs, our values..and the way we live our lifes. 

In this stage the roles will be very different for men and women. For this article I`m mainly looking at the women`s stage.

So during this second stage we learn to look within. After going through the first stage`s crisis (you can call it midlife crisis, even though it can happen in your 20s -30s too), we start to develop ourselves, some of us start doing yoga, meditation, therapies, art etc or decide to leave the corporate world and run our own business. I am sure, many of you can relate to that. 

This is the stage when we tend to dig deeper within and we start following our passions and hobbies in the hope of finding our true self and happiness.

Regarding relationships, most of us went through some disappointment regarding men by this point, and so as we enter into this strong and independent stage, we women learn how to feel good on our own, how to find resources within, so we don`t rely on men anymore.

 Well…we become strong, independent and resourceful

…and we become unstoppable!

It`s a very important stage, and a big % of the society right now is in this stage.

Female entrepreneurs everywhere, motivational quotes saying that women are strong and can do anything. And it`s true…during this stage you learn, that you really CAN do anything.

BUT.

 Every stage has an upward and downward phase…imagine it like the outline of a hill. On the upward phase, we are living our best lives. We are progressing in our career or developing our own business and we are really proving that WE CAN DO ANYTHING.

It`s a particularly happy stage for most women. I remember I spent about 5 years on this upward phase. I still remember as the happiest part of my life. We really feel that we figured it all out! We get to know ourselves during this stage, we develop ourselves and we learn to accept ourselves. 

We feel like GODDESSES.

But as I said earlier, there is BUT.

The downward phase. After walking on the clouds, feeling unstoppable…we start to feel a little bit dissatisfied. Just a little bit at first. Then with time…things start to fade and sooner or later we realise that even though we have an amazing business and amazing friends, we are not entirely happy.

Now, most people in this stage are just dating and looking for relationships, but it is possible to be in this stage and have a relationship. (In this article I am focusing on the single women though).

So after years of failed relationships or being on dating sites, we start to notice that career doesn`t give us the same happiness anymore. It`s just not enough any more.

At the end of the day, what`s the point of success if we cannot share it with someone special? Now, don’t get me wrong it`s possible to find a boyfriend while we are at this stage, but those relationships don`t seem to last long.

...and as a strong and independent woman, we just don`t get it! We are amazing, we can do anything, we are beautiful, yet…we cannot find a committed relationship!

It`s very easy to draw the conclusion at this point and say: 

 “Men are afraid of commitment” etc. etc...

But here is the truth and I hope you are ready to hear it!

AS strong and independent women, we became like MEN…yes, you heard it well. 

A MAN. Therefore, real men doesn`t know how to connect with you, or they don`t want to connect with you. 

You developed masculine energy and behaviour.

You are out there in the world fighting your cause, pursuing your quest, chasing your career. And in this big fight you forgot how to be a woman. 

True story.

It`s not all our fault though, it`s just a stage we go through! 

There is another reason😊. Men in this stage are going through the opposite characteristics… they are on a search too, but they become less confident during their quest and this is when they get in touch with their feminine side. They don`t have their purpose yet in this phase, so they are not entirely happy with themselves. When you meet somebody who is not sure about themselves, they won`t be sure about the relationship either! It`s very common to meet men in this stage “who are just not ready for anything serious”, or “who doesn`t know what he wants”.

So what`s the conclusion? Well…the bad news is that we just have to go through this stage. With the upward and the downward phase, we must remember that it is just a stage. You didn`t do anything wrong. We have to experience this stage fully. The only thing you can do wherever you are on this journey is to be really honest with yourself.

 Ask yourself:

…and sooner or later,

 when you had enough of being the strong and independent, single woman

 And no, he won`t be a ready, or a “real” man just yet! But if you listen and observe carefully, you will see the potential in him. Chances are you will be at the same phase…where both of you are at a vulnerable state, both of you had enough of this stage…and this is why you will be able to connect on a deeper level. But he will not be ready…he will need YOUR help.

In conclusion, you cannot rush progression.

So, let`s enjoy wherever we are on the journey and appreciate the process…

and remember…we are all going through the same journey… sharing it with others will make things easier.