In order to understand the importance of the Midlife crisis
Let`s go back in time…
During our first years our number one job is to learn. We mostly do this in an unconscious way, observing and absorbing everything from our surroundings.
At this stage we feel as a “WHOLE” being...we don`t have an internal feeling of separation (within), no internal conflicts. When we are tired we sleep, when we are hungry we cry to let our parents know that we are hungry.
As we are growing up…
in order to meet the demand of everyday life, we need to develop a separate self…let`s call it the EGO.
The ego begins to separate from the REAL SELF. The ego what gives us a sense of identity or personality. Because of our ego, we can say “I” or “me”.
So, it is a necessary part of our development in childhood. It`s also necessary in our early adulthood when we try to fit in society, we try to find our first jobs, develop a career and many will find their partners and establish family at this stage. We need an ego in order to meet all these demands from the outside world.
But, in order to FIT IN society and in order to meet the demand of our lives…as we are growing up, we repress certain parts of ourselves. Especially the ones that we label “bad”. What “bad” means for me, it might be different for you. What is “bad” will be determined by your parents, family`s values, location-culture, religion you are surrounded with…etc.
We develop our ego and we identify ourselves with it.
If you remember, I told you at the beginning…we are absorbing everything in our early years…without questioning them. We learn those beliefs, values, attitudes that surrounds us.
But ultimately, having this ego inside- even though it`s necessary- will cause a feeling of separation, a separation from our real self, causing us to lose our sense of wholeness.
So naturally, we will start to feel dissatisfied in life…and we feel something is not right with our life. We can live like this for years, we can live in denial for long time, but there will be a time when the real self wants to show itself and things from the unconscious will start to bubble up, saying
“DEAL WITH ME!”
This is what we experience during a midlife crisis. And so, during this time it will be necessary to start questioning these beliefs, values that we learnt from our parents and society and to stop living in an automatic way. This is our time to WAKE UP. It`s a wake up call to live life in our own terms. This is the time when we will have to start facing our shadow selves, our unconscious mind. We have to let the light in and allow those repressed part to surface.
We have 2 choices at this point.
We either listen to this inner voice, being absolutely honest with ourselves and our loved ones about where we are and how we feel,
or we can try to maintain our previous lives, putting a mask on or burying our heads in the sand so that we don`t have to change anything.
Many people would do absolutely anything to avoid change. This is where some of us turn towards escape routes, such as partying, going out, cheating on loved ones, develop addictions etc…just to feel better momentarily. Unfortunately, the longer we resist to change the longer the crisis will last.
If we keep trying to repress things…
it can result in erupting like a volcano and destroying possibly our relationships (midlife divorce) or career or health or all at once.
I didn`t just learn this on a course, I am also talking from experience here and having consulted people from all over the world. The pattern is the same.
If you are going through something similar,
REMEMBER
you are not alone
and it won`t last forever,
It`s only a transitional time!
After the crisis a new chapter and better life will wait for you….and it`s you who are shaping that life, by discovering your inner resources, your inner hidden qualities.
Your real self is craving for attention and this is the time to turn our attention inwards :).
Watch the Free Case study on www.gabikosa.com to find out more
